Your path.

Another day, another beautiful day. I had to take a photo of this majestic view. It looks like God himself has so delicately painted on the clouds in the sky.

Today’s pondering comes in the form of a question, “what is God’s Will for my life?” Do you ever wonder this?

What is your purpose in life? Why do the things that happen, happen?

I sometimes think of the day when we left Zimbabwe. With just suitcases – and some furniture to arrive later. My chest tightens in this thought. Saying goodbye to family and friends, some of whom, most of whom I’ve not seen for the last 15 years. And will I ever see them again? I don’t know.

Often I think of the two babies that we won’t meet due to miscarriage. And I ache. So much. For all the memories that I won’t get to make. For all the cuddles I won’t get. For all the little fingers and toes that I’ll never get to see. For the milestones I’ll never experience. And I ache. What colour would their eyes be? Would they like to dance? Or play in the mud? So much ache. Although my first miscarriage happened in 2014 and the second in 2015, I still mourn every year. I don’t think I’ll ever stop.

This song sums up my emotions on these events:

I don’t understand the why’s. But God tells us in Isaiah 55:8-9:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Having the distance of nearly 4 years since our first miscarriage happened and 15 years since I moved with my family to another country, I have started to heal. God has a purpose for my life. One that I don’t understand but one that I can try to get the best out of by finding and following His will.

And I can start to think that there is a plan for my life, my very unique life. It involves heartbreak. Tremendous heartbreak. But also unimaginable joy. And having come out from these experiences (I could never read this with an open heart even a few years ago), I can start seeing the joy in life again.

This morning I read the following passage:

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

If we hadn’t left Zimbabwe, quite possibly I would never have gone to university. I would never have met my husband and I wouldn’t have my most precious little ones that I have. For these three people in my life, I would give anything.

My heart has been broken through losing two other precious little ones. So I treasure the children that I have. With every breath. Because the way that God has painted the sky with the clouds is the same brush that he used in making my life, my children’s lives. And for this I rejoice! And I give thanks for them every day.

The path that I’ve chosen is not an easy one to walk. There are so many questions along the way but I’m convinced that it is the right path!

36 thoughts on “Your path.

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart and where you are at on your journey with Christ.

    It is my hope and prayer that you will remain with Christ all of the days remaining that he has allotted to you; and that as you continue to mature and grow in him, you will come to see His purpose for you and thus, why your life has unfolded accordingly.

    Grace and peace to you and yours,

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I believe you have already found the first part of the answer to the question “why am I here” and “what is my purpose”. He created us to share this amazing universe with Him. To have fellowship with Him and each other. And our purpose is to enjoy life as we seek His face and draw ever closer to Him. It is easy to “give thanks in all circumstances” when life is good. Not so easy when the fire falls and we are being refined into purer gold. Nice post and thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. You’ve expressed yourself so beautifully! Indeed whatever happens happens for a reason- to lead you to a better path. God always has got better things in store for us.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Jeremiah 29:11-13 “ I alone knows the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster,plans to bring the future you hope for. Then you will call to me, You will come and pray for me, and I will answer you. You will seek me and you will find me because you will seek me with all of your heart…

    May GOD healed you..

    Liked by 2 people

  5. this was so beautiful! thank you for sharing and being honest, this has inspired me to also be more open and honest! God’s ways are beyond us, never stop praying, never stop believing, God loves u so very much, i will pray for you as well!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Miscarriage, like loosing part of you..
    I pray God will take away your mourning..
    It is encouraging to hear the testimonies of others who have seen their children in heaven..
    After near death experiences they were shown the baby they miscarried with their grand parents or with others..
    The children were full of joy.. and it helped to ease their pain and mourning..

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I feel the word “Beautiful” isn’t enough to do this post justice, for me it’s both touching and a little heart breaking. I’m happy that you have started to heal and that you have been able to keep your faith. That you are able to experience joy, love and warm with your family, is wonderful. I was raised to believe that the lord has a plan for all of us and that everything happens for a reason. In times like what you’ve experienced, there are moments when we feel that the most, especially when it’s a reason we can’t always understand. I find this post just so.. touching and I really don’t feel I have anywords that can do justice to the feelings it’s invoked.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Writing it was heartbreaking. But I’ve only just skimmed the surface on these experiences. Maybe I’ll write more on what they have taught me, and what questions they have raised for me another time. Thank you for your constant support x

      Liked by 2 people

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