Breathe.

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This morning replicated other mornings, rushed – go go go! When I dropped my children off at my mum’s, my littlest little person was heartbroken. He cried and pleaded for his mummy. And my heart ached. I wanted to say yes, let’s go home, mummy doesn’t have to go.

Instead I gave him another cuddle and unwrapped his little arms from around my neck and passed him to my mum. Both of us hurting. But unable to show it in case that made it worse. My children sense how I feel.

Do you have mornings like this? I hope not, but if you do, you’re not alone.

I listened to the cd in the car on the way to work. And the song below is what came on:

It reminded me of the story of Mary and Martha.

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

My children are far more important to me than work. Unfortunately right now there are bills and a mortgage to pay. I’m sure you all understand this feeling. Your passion versus your responsibilities.

Years ago I took part in a bible study that used the text “Having a Mary heart in a Martha world“. It talks about slowing down. One particular part of the book that has stuck in my mind and my heart is where the relationship between God and us. The book speaks about imagining a large library with God sitting there waiting for us to join Him. He’s always there whether we come or not.

It made me feel sad.

Just like this morning.

But unlike us, God is always there. Waiting for us. I need to impart that knowledge to my children.

Until then, I can’t wait to finish work and be present in their lives.